Every year, I travel for my birthday. I started this tradition in 2018 because I just didn’t feel like hosting dinners anymore. Not that there’s anything wrong with hosting dinners, but it was starting to feel awkward as I got older because of combining different friend groups who don’t really mesh and not wanting to leave anyone out. In those situations, it’s difficult as a guest to mingle when you’re seated at a big table, stuck talking to the stranger sitting next to you. My new tradition has been more fun because I get to pick a different destination every year.
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I know it has been almost a year since I’ve written. It has been weighing heavily on me and I had been mentally beating myself up for having taken this long to write again. I got a new contract/work client and that has consumed most of my year, and sadly, it has taken me away from my passion project. Such is life. Gotta make money to live. But also, I really needed to take a mental health break and do some internal healing.
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France has been a huge part of my life. I studied abroad in the French countryside when I was 19. I visited my French cousins who grew up there. My first job in fashion sent me to France and other parts of Europe. After my mother’s marriage to my stepfather, I also gained three French stepbrothers who grew up in France. But it has been awhile since I’ve visited.
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Each year, I try to plan a new adventure for my birthday. Usually international with the exception of last year, pre-vaccine. It softens the blow of getting older and helps me reframe the occasion to be a more joyous one. Once September hits, I get that back-to-school fall feeling even though I have not been in school in years. That nervousness of starting a new chapter, not knowing what to expect.
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Endings always make me feel sad and nostalgic for what was or used to be. Even if ending something felt right and is the best thing to do. Yes, beginnings can be exciting too but beginnings are unknown and uncertain and always give me a little bit of anxiety.
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